Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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