The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
