the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
