It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
