The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
