you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
