After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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