well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
