Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
