I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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