Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
