She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
