A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
