I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
