look no pants
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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