There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
