he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You left your phone here
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