dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
My ATM looks so different sober.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
