Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
