Got a toothbrush?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
