The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
