I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
