Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
