just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
