Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
