OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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