Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
