Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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