bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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