Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
