I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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