i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
