So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
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