Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
