considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
