she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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