You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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