dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
