dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She told me I should be a condom model.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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