Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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