I'm going to jail i love you
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
