i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
