i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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