and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
