Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
