I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
