Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
