Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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