I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
