Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
porn star boner night. come get it.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
