idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
