So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
