How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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