Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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