Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
