you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i wish my penis had a tongue
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
