so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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